Archives
24 April 2003
Ever feel your insignificant and
can never do anything right wanting to crawl into a
hole an make all your problems go away. Im ashamed of
myself today, I am ashamed of myself on most days but
today I am really ashamed, when you have low selfesteem
you do stupid things, the most important person in the
world the universe I have dissapointed again, I know
im human but this is outrageous there are lines that
I know I shouldnt cross, that I have total disregards
for. And the wounds the hurt get bigger and bigger.
Everyone has problems and most people
think there problems are bigger then others, your
own problems are always the biggest, no matter how
much people tell you about your personality and your
looks when you have a brutal idea of yourself nothing
can change it, but if you dont chage it it will be
detrimental.
Oh yeah - Im ashamed of this entry.
17 April 2003
Short entry Im tired, annoyed and happy
at the same time, whoopdidoo. Assignment due tommorrow.
Weekend fully booked and holidays will be spent catching
up on lost study time.
14 April 2003
Well my previous blog now makes me sound
like an idiot google has decided to put my sites on
top of the searches for my Name Mark Doktor and lots
of other keywords, I think google is playing with
my mind, it has artificial intelligence and is out
to destroy me having said that I'll look back on this
blog and think it was the worst one i have ever wrote.
I have too much time on my hands.
I noticed this because i was doing
a search on my name (I know how lame) on the icq google
bar for a screen shot click
here and i was on the top of the list I thought
thats funny, so I tried with the www.google.com and
I got a completly different result click
here for screen shot, then i realised I was witnessing
a google dance where they update there servers (explanation
click
here). Till finally where i think it has stopped(
im not sure), where im still at the top of the list
for some keywords.
I cant wait till the search engine decides
to to stop crawling me again. (Not a suggestion).
13 April 2003
Well this is probably one of the longest
times I havent wrote in here, I have been really busy
with studies and its really getting my down, I am
a fair bit behind and most of its self inflicted,
Unmotvated to do the work is causing my down fall.
Well its oficially google has crawled and now my page
position is worse then when it hadnt crawled me, i
dont hink my pages are in the top 100 matches even,
compared to being at the top before, my page hits
are going down the draino especially on the
My Stuff page which started averaging 70 hits
a day.
Back to University its really really
hard to do it externally and on your own especially
a computer Science Bachelor, ITs going to be a long
haul and im not sure whether my marks will be worth
anything.
29 March 2003
I haven't been Blogging that much because
I have been uninspired but I thought I might have
to put something here, I know the rest is going to
sound geeky but for some strange reason Google has
been crawling my "My Stuff" page everyday
since the 25th of March 2003 Im not complaining at
all its actually great, its just usually Google will
only do this if you page has a high page rank, MY
Stuff page has no page ranking yet at all typing exactly
as follows"Kelvin to Celsius" (including
the ") in a google search and you will see its
first on the list and it has the days date on it.
Need to think of something good to put on that page,
any suggestions would be good.
23 March 2003
Ditto, Ditto is the only word I can
think of when you realise when a person you have strong
feelings for, has insignificant view of you, I don't
use the word rejection because I didnt not express
my feelings to the person, buts its plan obvious in
there actions how they feel, Ditto is also the word
to describe how I feel the insecurity, the worthlessness.
But as time go on these feelings are
short lived because the knocks you have in life no
matter how small, making you stronger, makes you harder
- or makes you insensitive, makes you apathetic. As
I get older I my nature of being caring and putting
others first become harder and more of burden. Because
my efforts are met with people that take advantage
of you are unappreciative, taken for granted sometimes
to the extreme extent that my effort is expected.
The only thing I have learned, that
just because people are hard, insenstive, apathetic
or a closed person doesnt mean thats the" person"
they want to be. After years of being battered emotional
psychological and even physically changes a persons
mindset. The sad thing the events that hapen to change
someone ,the people involved in the altercation dont
realise the extent of the damage emotionally or psychologically,
in a lot of cases they dont think there doing any
damage at all.
19 March 2003
Honesty A trait that you want your the
people close to you and the people around to have,
I am only talking about this because today, two situations
came up where honesty came into play, One I was openly
honest, another where I was prepared to be dishonest
for the welfare for another person. So which situation
came out successful.....
Its no news to anyone that we live in dishonest society,
its has come to a point where it seems that in our
everyday dealings our honesty is always put under
pressure. Whether it is to protect our name, our job,
and our peers or to gain materially such as tax returns,
free software, dishonesty has almost become a necessity
just to live and more importantly to succeed. So if
there are all these positives why be honest.
To be honest we are truthful and free from fraud.
There is always a person in your life that you cant
trust, that cant speak a word without lying, if you
are free from dishonest people you are a lucky person.
Being honest makes you trustable, an honorable person
and your conscience is free from wrong. Being honest
will help you find honest friends and keep them. Although
Honesty is the best policy, it is not an easy task,
but its something that we should all strive for.
In answer to the above question both situations came
out bad. But of course it's obvious which situation
made me feel uncomfortable.
16 March 2003
The Unit Converter program has been
on My Stuff for awhile now
but there were many bugs there probably a lot more,
but its been released anyway. I have been busy studying
a what not.
Lately I have been getting annoyed by
some people who only have time for me when they need
something but I guess that what being human is all
about is it not. Maybe I should shed my quite, shy
exterior and oze confidence ignoring the people I
dont like, but that would not be nice at all would
it, and confidence is something I havent had for quite
a long time now, which probably hurts my relationship
with others, as it seems most people need someone
to be confident so they to can be confident, concept
which could be completley wrong.
8 March 2003
Well I have changed a lot of things
on the website, added some extra pages as some of
you can see, But in addition I also added a kelvin
converter, which led to what I think I'll add next,
which is a unit converter based on the Sharp Metric
Converter I have had Since I was 5 years old, an ELSI
MATE EL-344 if that makes sense to anyone it was neat
when I was a kid cause it was solar powered, the solar
panel is cracked now and has two wires running to
two AA batteries, to make it work but it was been
useful to me for a nunmber of years its at least 18
years old cause it was given to me. Anyway back to
the Program it will be a metric converter with some
other additions I dont know what yet. Wanted to get
Bourne Identity out today but it wont come out here
until the 12 havent seen it, I heard its a good Movie.
3 March 2003
Well I havent updated in awhile probably
because I have been lazy, but mainly cause I ruined
my computer again, losing majority of mp3s, and vital
programs, after trying to recover them for a couple
of days I realised that I backed most of them up on
my old computer, but as of yet i havent done any transferring
because of my laziness. Oh and because of my hassles
I have given up on installing linux for awhile, even
though its reccomended for my course.
I want to change my webpage layout
and, But I like the current one too much, but in my
mind I have an easy solution whch will probably take
a long time, it wont change much but maybe it will
be a little more 3D looking, and id like to add another
navigation button, for some creative stuff (believe
it or not), I have done.
20 February 2003
I rang the insurance company today,
the said everything was finalized and I am covered
what a releif.
Did a lot of preparation for my Studies,
I really need something to motivate me, and something
to motivate me not to venture on the net, into chat
rooms and so forth difficult task a head.
Tommorrow night going to a going
a party for a girl I have known all my life, don't
know how I feel, I might miss her might not, she will
be misssed in the congregation.
18 February 2003
Got my books in the mail today, on
average each book is 400 pages each and there is 5
of them, im expected to learn this material in a semester
of 15 weeks which includes 2 week holidays so in actual
fact thats 13 weeks of study, so i have to go through
2000 pages of reading not to mention assignments in
a period of 13 weeks thats about 154 pages per week
i have to read sounds like fun. I wonder if it worth
it probably not, at least im doing something, not
loafing which would be a lot of fun.
17 February 2003
Oh wow when I finished my last entry
I decided to install linux, which requires me to set
up a new partition on my hard drive, i've done this
many times before so I thought it wouldn't be a hassle,
But murphys law had to prevail I lost all my data,
for those of you who dont linux is another operating
system, and if you install it on a disk you have to
create partition or for you you guys not so into comptuers
special space for installing it, I managed to delete
the MBR which is the Master Boot record which tells
your computer where to look for c: on your hard disk,
luckly I have done this before, and after two days
of stuffing around I managed to find where c: was
on my hard disk and manually made a new Master Boot
Record. And catiously installed linux.
Just When I though my troubles were
over I got a letter today saying my car is not covered
lucky I got to the letter before my parents saw it,
seems that my monthly debit form didnt reach the insurance
company and they said im not covered, frantically
ringing the insurance agency the gave me another chance
to hand in another monthly form, and they would renewe
my insurancewhen they recieved the form.
14 February 2003
My First ever update using a program
that lets me edit my webpages directly, making my
life a lot more easier, I've Kinda Neglected my webpage
for awhile, but I think with this neato program I'll
be updating a little more, well as some of you know,
I got a new car a Nissan Pulsar n16, pretty good and
Im starting University in a few weeks. And Im officially
Broke, I had to fork out $500 dollars for Books, and
monthly Insurance payment.
